Off Road Challenge

Call the Trades Descriptions Act people! Off Road Challenge contains two lies in three words. You can't go off the road, and there isn't any challenge.

That last isn't strictly true. The challenge is to prevent yourself from vomiting copiously into the N64 cartridge slot, although a machine full of vomit and a machine full of Off Road Challenge aren't that far removed.

Off Road Challenge is a conversion of an arcade machine, one which was apparently based on the Cruis'n USA engine. That should set the alarms screaming like banshees before you even start playing! The N64 version also appears to rely heavily on the Cruis'n USA engine - there's the same jerky screen update, the same bland graphics, the same cheesy spinning crash animation, the same scenic pop-up that couldn't be any more obvious if a flashing sign appeared on the screen saying 'Hey, everyone! Check out the pop-up!'

The game is based on the sport of cross-country racing, where overpowered trucks with massive suspensions try to get across inhospitable terrain as fast as possible.

In the arcade, where you've got a steering wheel, linked cabinets for racing against other people and huge speakers blasting V8 engine sounds into your head, Off Road Challenge is a reasonable time-passer. After all, you might blow a couple of quid, but that's all.

When you're spending £60, on the other hand, you expect something more than a no-skill zone on wheels for your hard-earned. Unfortunately, Off Road Challenge is exactly that.

Dune Buggy Attack

In a race, the first thing you notice is the fact that you're tightly restricted to the track, with invisible walls forcing the issue if you try to move off the road. Even if your truck has been thrown high into the air, a shower of sparks (well, it looks more like a runny fried egg explosion) caused by absolutely nothing, shoves Off Road Challenge has soma very dodgy collision detection - that other track's miles away! Off Hoad Challenge is almost physica you back in line. You can just about get onto the hard shoulder, but that's all.

There are six tracks to race over, with another three secret tracks accessible if you finish well enough in the championship races. The secret tracks are a massive con, though - they're practically identical to the regular tracks, but with the obstacles in a slightly different order and a few extra jumps. Well worth struggling through the tedium of the other tracks to find.

Control of your truck is very much arcade-style, with no room for skilful driving at all. All you need to do is mash the stick left or right as appropriate, and you'll sail around the corners. Even if you don't, the invisible walls will helpfully guide you back onto the road again.

Let's Off Road!

Sitting and watching someone else play the game starts to give you motion sickness, which is actually not uncommon with racing games. The only problem is you start feeling queasy while you're actually playing the game as well! Everything is jerky even in the one-player game, but the two-player game (that's all you get - no four-player amusement here) is an absolute travesty. You could probably draw each frame faster by hand!

Off Road Challenge is almost physically painful - each burst of lameness is like a kick to the crotch.

After you've endured the blotchy, undetailed graphics, the squealing 'rawk' music, the wooden controls, the boring tracks, the stroboscopic two-player game and the sheer repetitiveness of the whole thing, you'll probably never be able to have kids.

Which is the worst N64 racer; Off Road Challenge or Cruis'n USA? It's like being forced to make a choice between having your teeth drilled out by the evil Nazi dentist from Marathon Man, or having Begbie from Trainspotting cave them in with a claw hammer and gouge out the stumps with his broken pint glass. Cruis'n is ultimately worse, but not by much, and it has the excuse of being one of the N64 oldest games. Off Road Challenge doesn't even have that luxury. Avoid like David Mellor's y-fronts!

Just like the title implies, it's a hard-driving, bone-jarring driving game. Feel the wind in your face as you barrel over dunes and hills.

If you want to waste your money, you could invest in a dodgy pyramid scheme... or you could buy this deeply nasty racing game.

A racing game hovering very close around the borders of unplayability. Worse looking than Cruis'n USA, as badly designed as Aero Gauge and less fun than zipping up too quickly and getting your bits caught. Smelly.

Midway is burning up the tracks again with what's shaping up to be another great racing game. Off Road Rush...er, sorry...Challenge, follows along the same lines as the wildly popular SF Rush with fast action, minor draw-in, and grueling race physics.

Take on six clever tracks (with tons of shortcuts) in four vehicles as you grind through the circuit races alone or against a friend. The tracks, although still early, show some hilarious promise: In Las Vegas, for instance, you not only have to concentrate on the race, you also have to steer clear of UFOs as they battle military jets above the road. Other tracks look to include falling boulders, roaming roadkill candidates, and more. Big wheels keep on turnin' as proud Midway keeps on burnin' out great race games.

Off-Road Challenge should be the first video game branded with a whiplash warning. This arcade-style thrasher hurls you into the action via a basic racing mode, a two-player split-screen matchup, or a circuit feature that enables you to customize your vehicle by earning cash for upgrades. Off-Road reaches for road-warrior bliss but, due to a string of minor drawbacks, it never quite puts the pedal to the metal.

For starters, only four trucks and six tracks are immediately playable. A better variety of initial trucks would've been nice, especially since you're blown away by the A.I. opponents from the start.

Most of the six tracks look alike and share similar textures, but the obstacles, from catapulting hills to winding roads to icy bridges, vary enough to lend each course a personality. The fast, fluid visuals are blemished only by slight pop-up and bonus items that are too small to distinguish from debris. Fortunately, cool touches abound in the backgrounds, like an F-16 vs. UFO battle above the desert around Las Vegas. Finally, the hard-rocking soundtrack is tainted only by an announcer who rarely speaks, but keeps repeating a few phrases, like "Ugly start." As for the controls, San Francisco Rush pros will be right at home with Off-Road's responsive but loose handling.

It may not be perfect, but if crashing, smashing, and plunging through muddy wastelands is your dish, Off-Road Challenge is a meaty main course.